Tantrums

Do Not Label Your Child's Behavior with the word " Tantrum"

I say this, because to my big dissaponintment I still find many parents today ignoring their child's cry saying, "ooh she is just having a tantrum i have to ignore her"

It breaks my heart! Who ever said to ignore your child when she/ he is upset was I think wrong !

My succesfully tested approach is:

1. find out WHY your child is having a "tantrum".

2. label the FEELING she/ he is having for yourself and your child ( is she/he upset, angry, frustrated,..?)

3. tell her/him WHAT behavior you expect from her/him

4. explain what she/ hi is doing wrong

this way your child knows and understands that what they are feeling is OK, but the way they are dealing with the feeling is unacceptable. Now they know what is expected of them, so give them some time to calm down (you can call this time ignoring if you like, but i call it "calm down" time) and tell them that you know they can do better next time.

It is ok to be frustrated....everyone gets frustrated...what is important, is to know how to deal with the feelings in an appropriate way. Don't expect your child to know how, you need to explain it many times in loving way and practice, practice, practice

always with LOVE :)

How could we parents expect our children to know how to deal with problems and feelings, If we parents do not explain it to our children???!

...one more reminder: DO NOT be AFRAID to ask for HELP. BE PROUD to ASK FOR HELP!

Why is it so important to be Positive?

* Children need positive attention. If they receive positive attention they don't need to strive for negative attention through missbehavior, since to them that's better than no attention at all.

* Parents need to think positively about their children. Using words as "you can do so much better next time" , "you played so nicely", " that was very frustrating and you stayed calm and patient"

If parents lable their children negatively by saying how bad they are, they will believe this and that is how they will think of themselves.

*The positive discipline means, parents teach their children that there are consequences for misbehaving, while at the same time letting them know they are loved and expected to do better next time. Remember that every child has their unique temperament and therefore you need to adapt to the unique temperament and development of each child.

* Lack of praise and attention for appropriate behaviors leads to an increase in misbehavior. Children need praise, positive attention, rewards, smiles and hugs. They can not be expected to function without positive attention.

* Children's behavior does not need to be "perfect" to receive a praise. They need praise every time they are attempting a new behavior. They need reinforcement for every small step, otherwise if they have to wait until they have mastered the new behavior before being praised, they may give up altogether. The praising process sets a child up for success.

What Can I Do To Prevent Child Abuse?

What You Can Do To Prevent Child Abuse

• Learn about child abuse and neglect.
• Be alert to the "Red Flags."
• Be prepared to make a report.
• Do something.
• Speak up.
• Support National Child Abuse Prevention Month in April.
• Advocate for services to help families.
• Ask your local television stations to have non-violent programs for children.
• Support your local Child Abuse Council.
• Support the victim.
• Find help for yourself if you are overwhelmed.
• Empower the community to respond.
• Take a child or family under your wing.
• Become a foster parent or grandparent.
• Encourage your church, social and community organizations to provide outreach to at-risk families.
• Lobby your community leaders to address the problem.
• Volunteer your time.
• Don't turn your back on a situation.
• Ask your school to provide prevention education to the children.
• Talk to your kids about personal safety and body limits.
• Be sensitive to the needs of troubled or isolated families.

If a Child Comes to You...

• Your job is to simply report what the child tells you, not to investigate the situation.
• Attempts to investigate may:
  • Tip off the perpetrator and cause them to flee or destroy evidence.
  • Cause a child to retract if they think you don't believe them.
• Reassure the child that they did the right thing by telling you and they are not to blame
• Don't promise them that you won't "tell"
• Tell the child that what you plan to do to help protect them
• Talk with the child if they need to vent - be ready to listen and be supportive
• Be respectful of the child's need for, or dislike of touching while trying to comfort them…do so with caution and only with the child's permission
• Consider helping the child get professional counseling
• Mandated Reporters are not required by law to tell the parent/caretaker that a report has been made. However, one should keep in mind that parents/caretakers are not always the perpetrators and may not be aware that their child exhibits signs of abuse.
• Find a place to help with your feelings too.

Age Factors to Consider for Preschool Age Children

• At higher risk for serious injury.
• Stories are generally truthful.
• Don't know abuse is serious…their value of right and wrong is based on family behavior.

Age Factors to Consider for School Age and Teen Children

• More prone to self-report abuse.
• More aware of "normal" family behavior due to exposure to other families.
• Tend to be protective of substance abuse parents or caretakers - role reversal.
• Sexual abuse is often disclosed when family incest interferes with normal teenage relationships.
• Disclosure of abuse may have a "hidden agenda" such as revenge or anger towards parent or caretaker.

http://www.capcsac.org/what-to-do

Don't try to be right!

Most of the children who are being abused are between ages newborn to 4 years old.

These children can't reason. I see this so many times where parents try to reason with their children on how to get them to stop doing a certain thing or stop them from playing with their toys because we have to get to another place, expecting them to understand why they have to listen to our requests.

Do not try to win! No one wins everyone looses if you and your child are upset and hurt.

Always prepare your child for change.

Make sure they have time to adapt to a change.

Let them know the chane is coming.

* If your child is old enough to understand time: In 2 minutes, please clean up your toys and we will have dinner

* If your child is too young to understand time: I am going to help you clean up your toys so we can eat dinner. I am going to count to 10 ( count slow) and then we will start cleaning up and have dinner.

* Don't forget to praise your child for good behavior!

If your child didn't do exactly what you expected, just let your child know he/ she can do better next time.

I know it may take while especially with children who were being pulled away from an activity before and not respected, but keep doing it, be consistent and do it with love not force and they will eventually start trusting you again and will know that you do respect their space and their feelings and you are there for them. It makes them feel safe and heard and everyone is happy.

Tantrums? Time outs....yes or no?

Kids can act out and it makes us crazy. They throw things, have tantrums, argue with us and the list goes on.....

BUT have you ever STOPED and thought about WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO TELL US by acting this way?

Being the civil adults that we are, we try to use words like “Be nice to your friend.” and “We don’t throw toys.” But … they just don’t listen! So we move on from using our words to using our force. Have you ever think, “maybe I am not using the right words”?

The thinking is that, if the punishment is painful enough, we won’t have to endure that disruptive behavior ever again. That’ll teach them! WRONG! It will not teach them anything, but only to be afraid and to hide their emotions and they will not know how to understand and how to deal with their emotions.

Yes or No to Time-outs. .... some say ...... One minute per year of child’s age. Forced apology. When the steps are followed to the T, time-outs appear to be completely successful. Child says “I’m sorry” and the disruptive behavior stops. WRONG! Some children do not feel sorry because they are too young to trully understand the meaning of "sorry" and feel sorry, they say it because it is expected from them.

So what’s the problem? Children, use their actions to express their emotions. They throw tantrums when they are just so frustrated they don’t know what to do. They hit their little sister when they are feeling jealous and angry. Every disruptive behavior is a result of strong emotion.

When children are punished for their behavior, the underlying emotion remains unaddressed. When we prevent the emotions from being expressed with a certain behavior, children have two options.

1) They learn to stifle their emotions. 


2) They express their emotions through other disruptive behaviors.

Time-outs do not provide kids with safe and effective ways of expressing their strong emotions. Furthermore, they make children feel shame for having the emotions to begin with. Children read punishments as a withdrawal of love. When parental love is withheld, children feel as if there is something wrong with them. Shame and a sense of conditional love are direct consequences of time-outs and other punishments.

So, what to do when children are “acting out”? Instead of trying to stop the behavior, parents are better off acknowledging and validating it.

“It looks like you are feeling angry.”

By focusing on your child’s feelings, rather than his behaviors, you validate his emotions and are able to provide him with safe ways of expressing himself.

Most importantly, you are also showing him that, even when he is angry, your love for him is unconditional and you are here to listen and understand his feelings and to show him how to express his feelings in different ways.

What To Do BUT Not To Hurt Your Child!

COUNT TO 10

when you feel frustrated, when you feel the tension, when you feel overwhelmed. Before You do anything, before you say anything Count to 10 out loud!

1. Take a DEEP breath. Remember this is your little innocent child who you need to PROTECT! She/ He can not protect themself. She/ He is a part of you and depends on you and your love and care. You want your child to be happy and love you.
2. Close your eyes and imagine you are hearing what your child is about to hear, or receiving the same punishment.
3. Press your lips together and count as long as you need to.
4. Put yourself in a "time-out" chair. Are you really angry at the child or is it something else?
5. Call a friend to talk about it. If you need to, dial 1-800-4-A-CHILD (National Child Abuse Hotline).
6. Take a hot bath or splash cold water on your face.
7. Turn on some music.
8. Give your Child a hug and tell him/ her I LOVE YOU
9. If someone can watch the children, go out for a walk...TAKE A BREAK. Ask for HELP

print this out and put it on your wall somewhere where you can always see it when you need it

HELP

Child Abuse

Childhelp's National Child Abuse Hotline
800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)

Child Care

Child Care Aware
1-800-424-2246

Domestic Violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233)
TDD 1-800-787-3224

Missing and Exploited Children

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678)

Runaway Youth

National Runaway Switchboard
1-800-621-4000

National Human Trafficking Resource Center

National Human Trafficking Resource Center
1-888-3737-888

Prevent Child Abuse

Prevent Child Abuse America

Sad Statistics

According to U.S. Department of Health and Human Services in 2008:

An estimated 772,000 children were victims of maltreatment

Age and Sex of Victims

32.6% of all victims of maltreatment were younger than 4 years old.

An additional 23.6 % were in the age group 4–7 years and 18.9 % were in the age group 8–11 years.

Victimization was split almost evenly between the sexes; 48.3 percent of victims were boys and 51.3 percent of the victims were girls. The sex of 0.4 percent of child victims was unknown.

The youngest children had the highest rate of victimization.

Race and Ethnicity of Victims

African-American children, American Indian or Alaska Native children, and children of multiple races had the highest rates of victimization at 16.6, 13.9, and 13.8 per 1,000 children of the same race or ethnicity, respectively.

Hispanic children and White children had rates of 9.8 and 8.6 per 1,000 children of the same race or ethnicity, respectively.

Asian children had the lowest rate of 2.4 per 1,000 children of the same race or ethnicity.

Nearly one-half of all victims were White (45.1%), one-fifth (21.9%) were African-American, and one-fifth (20.8%) were Hispanic.

Types of Maltreatment

71.1 percent of victims experienced neglect

16.1 percent were physically abused

9.1 percent were sexually abused

7.3 percent were psychologically maltreated

2.2 percent were medically neglected

In addition, 9.0 percent of victims experienced such "other" types of maltreatment as "abandonment," "threats of harm to the child," or "congenital drug addiction."

Child fatalities are the most tragic consequence of maltreatment.

During Federal fiscal year (FFY) 2008:

• There were a nationally estimated 1,740 child fatality victims - that is almost 5 children a DAY!
• 79.8 percent were younger than 4 years oldThese Children are the most vulnarable for many reasons, including their dependency, small size and inability to defend themselves!
• 71.0% of child fatalities were caused by one or more parents

www.childwelfare.gov

www.acf.hhs.gov

Forms of Abuse

There are many different types of child abuse - Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Isolation, Verbal, Neglect, but the core element that ties them together is the emotional effect on the child.

Child abuse is a problem that concerns us all! Can it be prevented? YES!

Child abuse and neglect can be prevented or stopped through the efforts of schools, neighbors, families and the community.

Child abuse and neglect occurs in all types of families—even in those that look happy from the outside

Physical:
Physical abuse involves physical harm or injury to the child. It can also result from severe discipline, such as using a belt on a child, or physical punishment that is inappropriate.
Many physically abusive parents and caregivers insist that their actions are simply forms of discipline—ways to make children learn to behave. But there is a big difference between using physical punishment to discipline and physical abuse. The point of disciplining children is to teach them right from wrong, not to make them live in fear.

Emotional:
Even if the abuse is not directly on the child, it is abuse. If a child is watchnig parents abuse each other that is emotional abuse!....i will continue soon...

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

..to be continued

Warning Signs

WARNING SIGNS:

Warning signs of emotional abuse
- Excessively withdrawn, fearful, or anxious about doing something wrong.
- Shows extremes in behavior (extremely compliant or extremely demanding; extremely passive or extremely aggressive).
- Doesn’t seem to be attached to the parent or caregiver.
-Acts either inappropriately adult (taking care of other children) or inappropriately infantile (rocking, thumb-sucking, tantruming).

Warning signs of physical abuse
- Frequent injuries or unexplained bruises, welts, or cuts.
- Is always watchful and “on alert,” as if waiting for something bad to happen.
- Injuries appear to have a pattern such as marks from a hand or belt.
- Shies away from touch, flinches at sudden movements, or seems afraid to go home.
- Wears inappropriate clothing to cover up injuries, such as long-sleeved shirts on hot days.

Warning signs of neglect

- Clothes are ill-fitting, filthy, or inappropriate for the weather.
- Hygiene is consistently bad (unbathed, matted and unwashed hair, noticeable body odor).
- Untreated illnesses and physical injuries.
- Is frequently unsupervised or left alone or allowed to play in unsafe situations and environments.
- Is frequently late or missing from school.

Child Abuse and My Thoughts

EVERY DAY and EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY there is a child being abused. It is all our responsibility to stop this...one child at the time. For a better future, for a better world!

What is child abuse? Child abuse can include any behavior, action or omission by an adult that causes or allows harm to come to a child. Ask for help do not harm your children!

NO Child should ever experience any form of abuse! All the children want to be happy and make their parents happy. They can not protect themselves and they only know what they see. If they experience abuse they think that is the way it is supposed to be. What a horrific thought!

Read this http://www.kcoy.com/Global/story.asp?S=12327153

this little girl was held under scalding hot tap water for five minutes as part of her punishment....... ( I just spoke with the Sherman Oaks Hospital. For the safety of this precious little girl they can't give out any information, but I just wanted to know If there is anything anyone can do to help her! No one can understand and imagine what this little girl must be going through right now....in physical pain, emotional pain, in a hospital room with strangers who are trying to give her the best care, withouht people she knows and feels safe around. She is scared and worried....and I can not help!....it is killing me inside!) And there are so many children like this little girl right now this moment as I'm typing this, experiencing this same kind of pain as this little angel!

Some of my friends laugh everytime I call stranger's children "Angels". They all are angels! They are precious, innocent and so sweet. No child decided to come to this world. We make the decision for them and We then should be prepared to make the decision to give them what they all need. LOVE and CARE!

Horrifying Numbers and Horrifying True.....BUT not all abuses get reported so there are more!

In the US:
Approximately 800,000 children are the victims of child abuse and neglect.
Child abuse is three times more prevalent than all childhood cancers combined.
1,760 children died at the hand of their abusers.
More than 75% of the children killed were under four years of age.
Approximately 80% of all child abuse is perpetrated by parents.

"According to the US Department of Health & Human Services 2007" Child Maltreatment Report

We need a driver's licence to drive a car. Why is it ok to have a child without a licence? Why is it ok to not have parenting classes, child education classes in High Schools, but it is ok to have children withouht knowing how to take care of them?

It is a privilege and not a right to have a child!