Tantrums? Time outs....yes or no?

Kids can act out and it makes us crazy. They throw things, have tantrums, argue with us and the list goes on.....

BUT have you ever STOPED and thought about WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO TELL US by acting this way?

Being the civil adults that we are, we try to use words like “Be nice to your friend.” and “We don’t throw toys.” But … they just don’t listen! So we move on from using our words to using our force. Have you ever think, “maybe I am not using the right words”?

The thinking is that, if the punishment is painful enough, we won’t have to endure that disruptive behavior ever again. That’ll teach them! WRONG! It will not teach them anything, but only to be afraid and to hide their emotions and they will not know how to understand and how to deal with their emotions.

Yes or No to Time-outs. .... some say ...... One minute per year of child’s age. Forced apology. When the steps are followed to the T, time-outs appear to be completely successful. Child says “I’m sorry” and the disruptive behavior stops. WRONG! Some children do not feel sorry because they are too young to trully understand the meaning of "sorry" and feel sorry, they say it because it is expected from them.

So what’s the problem? Children, use their actions to express their emotions. They throw tantrums when they are just so frustrated they don’t know what to do. They hit their little sister when they are feeling jealous and angry. Every disruptive behavior is a result of strong emotion.

When children are punished for their behavior, the underlying emotion remains unaddressed. When we prevent the emotions from being expressed with a certain behavior, children have two options.

1) They learn to stifle their emotions. 


2) They express their emotions through other disruptive behaviors.

Time-outs do not provide kids with safe and effective ways of expressing their strong emotions. Furthermore, they make children feel shame for having the emotions to begin with. Children read punishments as a withdrawal of love. When parental love is withheld, children feel as if there is something wrong with them. Shame and a sense of conditional love are direct consequences of time-outs and other punishments.

So, what to do when children are “acting out”? Instead of trying to stop the behavior, parents are better off acknowledging and validating it.

“It looks like you are feeling angry.”

By focusing on your child’s feelings, rather than his behaviors, you validate his emotions and are able to provide him with safe ways of expressing himself.

Most importantly, you are also showing him that, even when he is angry, your love for him is unconditional and you are here to listen and understand his feelings and to show him how to express his feelings in different ways.

Forms of Abuse

There are many different types of child abuse - Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Isolation, Verbal, Neglect, but the core element that ties them together is the emotional effect on the child.

Child abuse is a problem that concerns us all! Can it be prevented? YES!

Child abuse and neglect can be prevented or stopped through the efforts of schools, neighbors, families and the community.

Child abuse and neglect occurs in all types of families—even in those that look happy from the outside

Physical:
Physical abuse involves physical harm or injury to the child. It can also result from severe discipline, such as using a belt on a child, or physical punishment that is inappropriate.
Many physically abusive parents and caregivers insist that their actions are simply forms of discipline—ways to make children learn to behave. But there is a big difference between using physical punishment to discipline and physical abuse. The point of disciplining children is to teach them right from wrong, not to make them live in fear.

Emotional:
Even if the abuse is not directly on the child, it is abuse. If a child is watchnig parents abuse each other that is emotional abuse!....i will continue soon...

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

..to be continued

Warning Signs

WARNING SIGNS:

Warning signs of emotional abuse
- Excessively withdrawn, fearful, or anxious about doing something wrong.
- Shows extremes in behavior (extremely compliant or extremely demanding; extremely passive or extremely aggressive).
- Doesn’t seem to be attached to the parent or caregiver.
-Acts either inappropriately adult (taking care of other children) or inappropriately infantile (rocking, thumb-sucking, tantruming).

Warning signs of physical abuse
- Frequent injuries or unexplained bruises, welts, or cuts.
- Is always watchful and “on alert,” as if waiting for something bad to happen.
- Injuries appear to have a pattern such as marks from a hand or belt.
- Shies away from touch, flinches at sudden movements, or seems afraid to go home.
- Wears inappropriate clothing to cover up injuries, such as long-sleeved shirts on hot days.

Warning signs of neglect

- Clothes are ill-fitting, filthy, or inappropriate for the weather.
- Hygiene is consistently bad (unbathed, matted and unwashed hair, noticeable body odor).
- Untreated illnesses and physical injuries.
- Is frequently unsupervised or left alone or allowed to play in unsafe situations and environments.
- Is frequently late or missing from school.

Child Abuse and My Thoughts

EVERY DAY and EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY there is a child being abused. It is all our responsibility to stop this...one child at the time. For a better future, for a better world!

What is child abuse? Child abuse can include any behavior, action or omission by an adult that causes or allows harm to come to a child. Ask for help do not harm your children!

NO Child should ever experience any form of abuse! All the children want to be happy and make their parents happy. They can not protect themselves and they only know what they see. If they experience abuse they think that is the way it is supposed to be. What a horrific thought!

Read this http://www.kcoy.com/Global/story.asp?S=12327153

this little girl was held under scalding hot tap water for five minutes as part of her punishment....... ( I just spoke with the Sherman Oaks Hospital. For the safety of this precious little girl they can't give out any information, but I just wanted to know If there is anything anyone can do to help her! No one can understand and imagine what this little girl must be going through right now....in physical pain, emotional pain, in a hospital room with strangers who are trying to give her the best care, withouht people she knows and feels safe around. She is scared and worried....and I can not help!....it is killing me inside!) And there are so many children like this little girl right now this moment as I'm typing this, experiencing this same kind of pain as this little angel!

Some of my friends laugh everytime I call stranger's children "Angels". They all are angels! They are precious, innocent and so sweet. No child decided to come to this world. We make the decision for them and We then should be prepared to make the decision to give them what they all need. LOVE and CARE!

Horrifying Numbers and Horrifying True.....BUT not all abuses get reported so there are more!

In the US:
Approximately 800,000 children are the victims of child abuse and neglect.
Child abuse is three times more prevalent than all childhood cancers combined.
1,760 children died at the hand of their abusers.
More than 75% of the children killed were under four years of age.
Approximately 80% of all child abuse is perpetrated by parents.

"According to the US Department of Health & Human Services 2007" Child Maltreatment Report

We need a driver's licence to drive a car. Why is it ok to have a child without a licence? Why is it ok to not have parenting classes, child education classes in High Schools, but it is ok to have children withouht knowing how to take care of them?

It is a privilege and not a right to have a child!